The Real L Word is Love: A Response to Hate

Since the premiere of L Word Mississippi: Hate the Sin, Susan and I have been flooded with positive messages and encouragement. The film was beautifully executed and we are so proud to have been a part of it. We actually sat in bed all weekend and personally answered each email, tweet, and Facebook message. We have been overwhelmed with emotion as we read their stories; some were inspirational stories of triumph while others were tragic tales of hate crimes and death.  Even in the midst of the darkness, however, each person comforted us with love and support. We have been swaddled in what seemed to be a warm comforting safety blanket…Until 7 days later.

One week after the show’s premiere, Susan and I were having dinner, in the safety of our home, with co-stars Jana Haynes and Dannika Dewhurst and their young son, when our business line rang. Susan, as always, answered, “In Motion Fitness how can I help you?”  Expecting a typical question about gym membership or business hours but instead she was violated with obscenities and threats of violence. She quickly put it on speaker while Jana began filming video (WARNING: contains graphic and violent language) with her cell phone. Understanding that any signs of weakness or fear may have detrimental results, Susan began to retaliate verbally.  This did not deter him; he continued to threaten sexual violence against all of us, and a jelly donut.

I, along with Dannika, began to be flooded with tears as his threats became personal. It seemed as if he had ripped away the safety blanket that we had become accustomed to over the days prior. We immediately posted the video of the call to social media in hopes to somehow expose him and protect us. We then called our local police dept. They sent an officer over but to no avail.  We were told that there was nothing that they could do. The four of us, along with the rest of the cast, knew what kind of risk we were taking when we agreed to film this documentary, but this was horrifying. I was gripped with fear…a fear that has been foreign to me since coming out, unlike my partner who has always tried to keep me aware of the underlying danger of being gay in the South.

This phone call has become a rallying point for LGBTQ Mississippi and beyond. People have circled around us in support. I have talked with several reporters and expressed my fear. I want to recant that statement…I REFUSE to live in fear. I will, however, be aware of any underlying dangers and crazies. I will walk with my head held high, I want this person, and every other bigot, to know that I am who I am…and I’m very proud of it! I will not be manipulated any longer by fear.

Although this phone call was terrifying, it was one among thousands of responses and it stands alone amongst a mountain of love and we will not allow it to pollute the positive outpouring of support that we have received. It does, however, stand as a reminder that we do have more work to do and the threat against the LGBT community is very real. It is also a very clear example of how ignorant hate really is.

Susan and I are so grateful to Ilene Chaiken and Lauren Lazin, first for checking on us personally and second, for giving us the opportunity to tell our stories and we hope that this film will open up minds and bring about the change for which we have all been fighting. Also, our heartfelt thank you goes out everyone for their messages of love and encouragement that continue to pour in; they are the light that has outshines this darkness. We will continue to combat this hate-filled mindset with The Real L Word…Love.

We Are Campaign

 Brandiilyne Dear

Founder of The Dandelion Project

If Not Now...Then When

What does it take to hear a heart break?..... 
Do the skies have to turn black before the pain is interpreted?....
 Does the music of life have to fall silent before your ears are opened to the cries?.... 
How many lives have to be taken before you acknowledge the pain?...... 

How many hearts have to break, and how many lives lost before you see the truth? 
How close does the tragedy have to come to your front door before you hear? 
Your child, your friend, your brother, your sister?....Each person passed was a child, a friend, a brother or a sister....does it have to be yours before you will feel? Before you will move? Before you will change?

I don't understand the dehumanization of the LGBTQ+ community....It seems that to those who have decided that we are wrong, for whatever reason, are hell bent on being right...despite the cost. 

Until that bill finds its way to their front door...

I don't understand why we, as humans, can take life....any life...for granted. It seems that somehow, children, teens, and even adults have become "synonymous with the lesser." 

When will this change?

Change....that's the problem! No ONE wants to change....because they believe they are right? or simply because change is new, it's different, it's.....change.

I leave you with one question, "What is your child's, friend's, brother's, or sister's life worth to you?" 

Would you be willing to suffer the discomforts of change to save their lives? Would you be willing to succumb to the terrible inconvenience of a background check to buy a gun? Would you be willing to open your eyes and see the worth of ALL of humanity? Would you be willing to STOP spreading hate and homophobia?

What if this were your child, brother, sister or friend....what if?

Pastor Brandiilyne Mangum-Dear  

A Word Game

I love words...I love to define them... I love to study them...I love to use them. I do, however, have a confession (gulp) I'm terrible at spelling them! I BLAME spellcheck! There I said it. Now with that out of the way let's get back to the matter at hand, words. Words are one of the most powerful forces that we, as humans, have in our possession. We have a vast arsenal of dialect (some more than others) just on the tips of our tongues...

AND just at the tips of our fingers we have our very own legion on standby just waiting to fire at the masses upon our orders...Social media! "I Got The POWER!" (pardon the SNAPback)...
 Think about it...seriously...There's Twitter, FaceBook, Instagram, Google+, tumblr...the list goes on and on. These sites are available 24/7 and ready for all special moments, celebrations, random insignificant selfies, and emotionally driven rants....Words. words....WOrDs!!


As of late, there have been tons of debate on these social media forums....Gay rights, Gun control, Ducks vs. humanity...blah blah blah. These are what I like to call "word games" or, in some cases,"war of words" There are vast differences between the two, though ... "word games" can be fun and even humorous, especially when your opponent is...how do you say??... word incompetent...no, no....maybe word challenged??....or maybe a tad word ignorant??...yeah I think that's the one. ;) Yes these games with words can be quite entertaining. They can also be very challenging on those days when your opponent is well versed and obviously reads a dictionary for leisure. (wipes brow) these are the word games I enjoy most...(thank God for Google;) but let's talk about the latter for a moment... "war of words"

War, by definition, means to be in a state of hostility and conflict...and unfortunately war is also synonymous with bloodshed. In a single moment a single rant that is riddled with hurtful or, essentially, deadly words can reach a damaged soul and push them right over the edge. With just the click of the mouse an emotional rant can reach millions.Words...the most powerful resource, or weapon, that we have. A single sentence can cause irreparable harm, even death. Dramatic? No have you read about the effects of cyber bullying? A cyber bully isn't the 6ft 5th grader who towers over everyone in his class anymore...no a cyber bully is an insecure, unfeeling, sociopath who has loaded his/her ignorance with words and fires his/her hate aimlessly into the boundless classroom of the internet via social media. Or your average social media butterfly who has jumped on the FB or Twitter bandwagon and fires at the crowds....while justifying every single word (bullet)

Gun control? Maybe we should discuss tongue control.... Words, how do you use them? Are your words bringing laughter or encouragement?  Are your words sparking great debates and intellectual conversation? OR are your words condemning or hateful?

I know that everyone has their own opinion and has every right, under the constitution, to express that opinion....but just because you have the right to do something doesn't necessarily mean that you should. I am as guilty as the next person of expressing my opinion...sometimes it was expertly written and articulated and, well let's be honest, other times it was emotional and harmful and for that (clears throat) I apologize.

I guess, as I strategically string my words together, I am trying to paint a picture of understanding and compassion. Hopefully the words that I use today will encourage others to 'think' about the words they choose tomorrow and take into consideration those that will read them and what effect they might have on a soul or a community of souls.

I hope to engage in many more word games with well verse intellectuals and...well, not so intellectuals...but I hope that the "war of words" are becoming a thing of the past... My History professor once said, "The greatest ideas are birthed in heated debate." and I totally concur.... Carefully chosen words can resolve great mysteries or open a closed mind, but words fueled by emotion can create a bloody battleground riddled with destruction. Words are nothing to play around with....choose them and use them wisely.


Just Bb

Bad Farming....

Just 2 short years ago I was watching a dream be fulfilled...The vision that I had been working so diligently toward was unfolding before my eyes. I was watching the Z.A.C Center open it's doors and fill up with women who struggled with addiction. I had worked tirelessly and passionately toward this goal...and to watch it actually happen was amazing. WHEW, finally.

Although this dream had become a reality...and everything that I had hoped for had come true....I was exhausted, totally drained, and completely overworked. I was beginning to see things differently, my illusions of what Christianity was supposed to be and the reality of what it really was had finally crashed into one another..... I was done.... I left shortly after

Last week I was sitting in class when my professor made a remark that sparked an interesting thought. He was talking about the Civil War when he referenced the "overworked soil" of the South. Those two words rolled around in my mind for days... "overworked soil" I, of course, went to the parable of the sower and began to think about what it means to be a responsible and productive "sower" and I believe that I had a revelation.

Since leaving the church I have stood on the outside watching....observing...and, unfortunately, becoming more and more cynical about christianity as a whole. When I was pastoring, I was passionate about "reaching" people and "winning" them to the Lord...hallelujah!! I was always trying to find the perfect evangelical strategy to accomplish this world changing revival that my Pastor always foresaw on the horizon...So in this quest for souls I tried everything you could imagine, for instance:
1) Holy FB posts
2) Christian apparel
3) And even standing on a flatbed in the middle of the City to preach.
 In my religious arrogance I believed, wholeheartedly, that I was being a "light" in a dark sin-ridden world.---That was my perception....from the inside.

Now, let's talk about reality....the view from the outside.

There's a much clearer view when you look at things from every angle, it's more accurate and true to life. Now that I have stepped out of the church this is what I see:
1) "holier that Thou" FB statuses.... PLEASE stop telling me how great you are, how wonderful you "minister", and what a great "christian" you are! I think this is the most repulsive and unattractive strategy that one can use to try and "win" anyone.
2) Your Christian apparel makes you unapproachable.
3) Stop preaching at me...start loving me---then maybe I will actually see Christ in you and want to meet Him.

As I stand in the world today I want to shout, "I'm so sorry for the way that I behaved...Christ would never do that!" "Forgive me for my piousness and zealous behavior...Christ is NOTHING like that!" "I am still a Christian...but I'm NOT anything like this 'modern day christianity' that you have been experiencing" ---I apologize

I believe that the commercialization of christianity has caused "soil exhaustion"---in other words--bad farming. The church has been trying to force the ground (world) to receive the seed (Word) and now it's nearly ruined... I have a bit of news for you...If you don't start replenishing the land (the people standing on the outside), replacing vital nutrients (love, kindness, acceptance etc.) the future of the Church as we know it may not survive another generation....

Don't tell me that you're a christian, because I, along with much of the world, have become somewhat cynical and untrusting....show me who you are and Who you represent.

It is true---I am a hardened cynic when it comes to christianity.... but my belief in Christ hasn't changed. I used to be proud to proclaim my christianity, but now I feel as if I cannot say those words out-loud. So now I will simply make it my life's work to replenish the soil.

It's time to get back to the basics.... CHRISTIANITY 101....Love...it's simple really........................................            JUST

STOP force feeding faith
http://brandiilyne.blogspot.com/2012/08/tossing-seed-onto-stones.html

“Y’all Come Back Now, Ya Hear?”

            Just south of the Mason-Dixon line there is a place cemented in time; welcome to Mississippi. This is where folks wave as they pass by on the road, laws protect the majestic magnolia trees, and sweet tea is the house wine.  Pull up a chair and enjoy its allure with a dollop of mashed potatoes, black-eyed peas, and greens, fresh from the garden. Here in this neck of the woods, everything, including the vocabulary, moves a little slower. Down here people take pride in their heritage, which includes, but is not limited to, their “young’uns,” their pick-up trucks, and their biscuits. Although living in the Deep South has its charms, it can have some negative effects as well, effects such as health problems, bad grammar, and close mindedness.

            Cook it and they will come is the idea that has become the backdrop of every occasion here in the South. Men gather in the back yard to smoke and grill the wild game, which they themselves hunted and killed, while the women gather in the kitchen and gossip over a deep fryer; if it can be battered, it can be fried. Plates are piled high with Southern cuisine and passed down the table to every generation. As each Momma places a plate in front of her own child, she almost melodically tells them about the starving children in China, as she guilts them into cleaning their plate. The end result, unfortunately, is the highest obesity rate in the country, with heart disease and strokes being commonplace, as well.

            

One other commonplace occurrence is to hear words that are, almost exclusively, Southern. In these parts, grammar goes out the window and words seem to lump together to form specially sculpted isms, such as, “fixin-to,” “whalla-go,” and “ova-yonder.” Unfortunately, Hollywood has marketed the music that is the Southern vernacular negatively. Each time a village idiot, psychotic hillbilly, or just down right dumb character finds their way to the screen, they invariably have a Southern drawl. Which has, in turn, created a stereotype that is difficult for Southerners to overcome.    

 Words are not the only thing created here in the South, but traditions are as well. These traditions are woven into the tapestry of Southern living. Traditions such as going to church before the sun rises on Easter morning, a gentleman asking Daddy for his daughter’s hand in marriage, and saying ma’am and sir while addressing elders are partly responsible for the South’s reputation of hospitality. These customs have raised many Southern gents and belles, and there are other traditions, more unpleasant traditions, which still linger in the guise of heritage. As pride goes, some people in the South are very proud of that heritage known as the “Old South.” Unfortunately, an icon of this heritage, the Confederate flag, still flies over the Capital as the cornerstone of the State flag. It also adorns the bumper of the occasional pick-up truck, which showcases the South’s state of close-mindedness to the world. This mindset still haunts the Deep South like a ghost from the past. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that the thirteenth amendment was ratified, and slavery was finally completely abolished here in Mississippi.

            Although the South is known as a place to deep fry everything but their first born, creatively annihilate the English language, and burn a cross on a hot summer night, it is, after all, a beautiful place where the magnolias grow tall, hospitality is abundant, and family is second only to God. As with any place, there are positive and negative effects of living in Mississippi, but as things go here in the South, slowly and surely as the biscuits are rising in the oven on Sunday morning, the positive is overcoming the negative. As goes the Southern mantra, “the South shall rise again,” only this time she’s going to rise healthy, educated, and enlightened, because times, well, “they are a changing.” “Y’all come back now, ya hear?”

Just Bb.....

Balancing the Scales of Equality

Balancing the Scales of Equality

            While developing the Constitution of the United States, the document that is the cornerstone of American life, the Founding Fathers proved themselves to be true visionaries.  This document, through the hundreds of years since its origination, has been used to develop, or re-define, the laws that govern this great land.  There have also been instances where this document has been used to force change, and these changes have made limitless impacts upon the landscape of modern America.  This change has not been accomplished, however, without struggle, and it is within these struggles that the formation of policies to ensure equal rights for all Americans has occurred.  With each battle for equal rights there is another looming on the horizon, and the most recent campaign is the fight for marriage equality.  Some are calling this the “new civil rights movement.” The right to marry the person that one loves is the right of every citizen.  Most dissenters disagree based on religious views, for others it is about tradition, but marriage to the person of one’s choice is protected by this time-honored document that has the temerity to propose that all Americans are ensured the right of the "pursuit of happiness."

            Religion dates back to the beginning of time, as does marriage. Many people argue that gay marriage goes against the “biblical definition” of marriage, but this argument defeats itself because most marriages in biblical times consisted of numerous wives and concubines. Concubines were basically sex slaves. This behavior, in present times, is illegal and grounds for divorce. Other religious zealots declare that homosexuality is an abomination. Upon deeper study of the scriptures, it is quickly found that if one eats pork, shellfish, or wears cotton blend clothes then they too are an abomination. These biblical facts are easily overlooked due to the fact that most Americans have consumed shrimp or bacon while wearing an abominable t-shirt.

             Traditionally, marriage has been between a man and a woman, but marriage is about love, not gender. It is this love that is the foundation of marriage.  Two people who genuinely love one another should have the opportunity to solidify that love with a legal commitment. Anyone who has ever truly loved someone knows that love is blind. Love sees no flaw, hears no wrong, and knows no gender. Love has the ability to not only cross the lines of tradition, but to create new traditions as well. Love is the greatest tradition of all.

            Marriage is not a privilege; it is a legal right. According to the Constitution, “all men are created equal, and they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, and among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” The argument of marriage equality should end right there, but it does not. Somehow people think that if a person is gay then they no longer fall into the “all men are created equal” category, and they no longer have the right to the “pursuit of happiness.” These unalienable rights, which literally means not separated or taken away, are not applicable to gay couples. This is an oxymoron. It is unconstitutional to deny anyone, gay or straight, the right to marry the person whom they choose.

            Marriage is a beautiful thing regardless of the genders represented. It showcases two people who are in love joining their lives together. Not only is marriage beautifully symbolic, but it also binds two people together legally. It is the legal contract, not the religious ritual that makes it possible for someone to be entitled to his or her spouse’s Social Security benefits along with other legal rights. It is not about gay marriage or straight. It is simply about equality. Although some States have legalized gay marriage, it is still not recognized federally. This tips the scales of equality, and leaves gay couples “equal but separate.” It is time for a change. It is time to balance the scales of equality, and go back to the traditions of this Country’s foundation, and live according to the Constitution. 

Just Bb

Living/dying....what are you doing?

Life... is a gift.
Life...is a story
Life...like everything else has a beginning and an end.

Today, I sat in a service and I listened to a minister speak on life...and death. She spoke on the importance of living in such a way that dying would be easy. I sat there and I listened intently, as she talked about "unpacking" for our final act of living...How we must constantly empty the preverbal "baggage' of our lives so that we can live a life that death will not cut short... A life that will be so fully "lived" that death will be a time to celebrate, not mourn... Life is a delicate balancing act...letting go of what is hurtful, and holding onto what is fortifying and fulfilling.

How do we accomplish this...this perfect balance? This place of peace?....this place of forgiveness? Forgiving not only others, but ourselves?

 I suppose we must figure out (within ourselves) what exactly is important.

What is it that I will allow in my space...my mind... OR...my heart....AND of what will I simply LET GO? I think, today, that I had a revelation! If it is not fulfilling, or endearing, or just plain joyful then it just doesn't deserve my time, my thoughts, or my emotions.

If it isn't something that I would want in my heart, my mind, or my space then I should NEVER present it to someone else's heart, mind or space.

Life is simple....Live like you're dying...treat others as if they were and LOVE like there's no tomorrow...for either of you.

Why do we complicate things with senseless, worthless, futile, insignificant misery??? When LOVE, friendship, joy, happiness, peace, and ALL the wonderful things that this life has to offer are available...if only we will choose them?

Just Bb

"I am not living/dying so that my life pleases you or yours....I must live/die a life that lives up to my own expectations and dreams....."