Red Cup Challenge

Don’t judge a cup by its color, but by its content. If the color of Starbuck’s cups is offensive to you, as a Christian or otherwise, maybe you should stop and ask yourself why? Is it because it is not white? Is it because it is blank? Do you have color biases? Do you feel as if the cup should have a message? Perhaps your message? If you answered yes to any of these questions I challenge you to shift your focus, from the cup to the real issue at hand.

How many homeless people are in your community? Are there needy families in your hometown? Is there a message that you would like to send to them? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I ask you to take a moment to clear your mind of this senseless petty debate over a cup and allow your eyes to be opened to the world that we have been so desensitized to and see the real offense. Open your eyes and see the people who cannot afford a cup of coffee or anything else for that matter, and in turn, open your heart.

I challenge you to take a cup, any color, and fill it with supplies, such as toiletries, snacks or gift cards. Maybe even consider putting a gift card from Starbucks in there. I’m certain someone would truly appreciate one of those warm red cups on these cold winter days. I challenge you to stop being so offended and stop fighting amongst one another and let’s get on the offense and fight hunger and poverty. Have a “cup drive” at your church, school, or job.

Let’s change the world, one cup at a time. Fill a cup, or a bag with things that we take for granted every day and go to your local homeless shelter, women’s abuse shelter, or take a drive into the places that you avoid and give a homeless person standing on the street or sleeping under a bridge and them one of these cup. Stop this ridiculous bickering and do what you’re called to do, and love people. Send a message to the world. Say, “I see you, I acknowledge you and I care.”

Deja Vu

Today, like any other Monday, I walked into my 3rd class thinking, "I'm halfway done!" As I walked in a girl that I have become acquainted with smiled and said, "hey girl!" As soon as I settled into my desk she walked with her laptop in hand...she said, "I want to show you something funny" and she hit play on a youtube video. She said, "this man was delivered from homosexuality and we think its funny how his voice changed." While she is doing all this 2 of the guys sitting there were having a very loud debate about the subject of homosexuality from their hyper spiritual devoted christian outlook...One of the guys said, "I will hang out with anyone, but I'm not gonna hang out with gay people...I don't want nobody thinking that about me!" The other guy, which I personally think is family, said (in his best TV evangelist voice) "Homosexuality is a spirit!" "Praise God that man got deliverance." She was much kinder and said, "No sin is greater than the other, so I don't judge anybody."

I graciously nodded as the video ended and she picked up her lap top and walked back to her desk....  I grabbed my cell phone to text Susan for comfort.... She said, "Baby be the change." Those words played over and over in my mind while my classmates remarks interrupted and I began to hear the haunting sound of those from my past join in. I felt like I was in a whirlwind....In that moment I was experiencing the most intense and horrifying sense of deja vu of my life. I felt an array of emotions that were quickly rising up inside of me. My face got hot, my breath began to labor, my hands began to tremble and my eyes filled with tears.... I can't believe that I am hearing this, again! What's more troubling is that it is from the generation that I have such high hopes for, the barely twenty-somethings, the College students. There was so much that I wanted to say but I chose to remain silent. Which seemed more painful than the comments that were still flying around the room about me and those that I love.

I knew that silence was best in that moment, because I didn't want to speak under the influence of so many emotions.... to do so would probably have caused harm to one or more of those that were involved, and that would have been fruitless. So I stood up and walked over to her desk and said, "I have a video that y'all need to watch and she slid her computer over to me so I went to YouTube and pulled up L Word Mississippi: Hate the Sin. I said it's kind of long so you will have to watch later. She and those around her looked curiously at the screen as she hit play. She said we are going to have to watch this later it's an hour and a half. I walked back over to my desk, praying that they do indeed, not only watch it, but hear the message of it.

I pray that this will spark a conversation..... I pray

Just Bb

The Real L Word is Love: A Response to Hate

Since the premiere of L Word Mississippi: Hate the Sin, Susan and I have been flooded with positive messages and encouragement. The film was beautifully executed and we are so proud to have been a part of it. We actually sat in bed all weekend and personally answered each email, tweet, and Facebook message. We have been overwhelmed with emotion as we read their stories; some were inspirational stories of triumph while others were tragic tales of hate crimes and death.  Even in the midst of the darkness, however, each person comforted us with love and support. We have been swaddled in what seemed to be a warm comforting safety blanket…Until 7 days later.

One week after the show’s premiere, Susan and I were having dinner, in the safety of our home, with co-stars Jana Haynes and Dannika Dewhurst and their young son, when our business line rang. Susan, as always, answered, “In Motion Fitness how can I help you?”  Expecting a typical question about gym membership or business hours but instead she was violated with obscenities and threats of violence. She quickly put it on speaker while Jana began filming video (WARNING: contains graphic and violent language) with her cell phone. Understanding that any signs of weakness or fear may have detrimental results, Susan began to retaliate verbally.  This did not deter him; he continued to threaten sexual violence against all of us, and a jelly donut.

I, along with Dannika, began to be flooded with tears as his threats became personal. It seemed as if he had ripped away the safety blanket that we had become accustomed to over the days prior. We immediately posted the video of the call to social media in hopes to somehow expose him and protect us. We then called our local police dept. They sent an officer over but to no avail.  We were told that there was nothing that they could do. The four of us, along with the rest of the cast, knew what kind of risk we were taking when we agreed to film this documentary, but this was horrifying. I was gripped with fear…a fear that has been foreign to me since coming out, unlike my partner who has always tried to keep me aware of the underlying danger of being gay in the South.

This phone call has become a rallying point for LGBTQ Mississippi and beyond. People have circled around us in support. I have talked with several reporters and expressed my fear. I want to recant that statement…I REFUSE to live in fear. I will, however, be aware of any underlying dangers and crazies. I will walk with my head held high, I want this person, and every other bigot, to know that I am who I am…and I’m very proud of it! I will not be manipulated any longer by fear.

Although this phone call was terrifying, it was one among thousands of responses and it stands alone amongst a mountain of love and we will not allow it to pollute the positive outpouring of support that we have received. It does, however, stand as a reminder that we do have more work to do and the threat against the LGBT community is very real. It is also a very clear example of how ignorant hate really is.

Susan and I are so grateful to Ilene Chaiken and Lauren Lazin, first for checking on us personally and second, for giving us the opportunity to tell our stories and we hope that this film will open up minds and bring about the change for which we have all been fighting. Also, our heartfelt thank you goes out everyone for their messages of love and encouragement that continue to pour in; they are the light that has outshines this darkness. We will continue to combat this hate-filled mindset with The Real L Word…Love.

We Are Campaign

 Brandiilyne Dear

Founder of The Dandelion Project

If Not Now...Then When

What does it take to hear a heart break?..... 
Do the skies have to turn black before the pain is interpreted?....
 Does the music of life have to fall silent before your ears are opened to the cries?.... 
How many lives have to be taken before you acknowledge the pain?...... 

How many hearts have to break, and how many lives lost before you see the truth? 
How close does the tragedy have to come to your front door before you hear? 
Your child, your friend, your brother, your sister?....Each person passed was a child, a friend, a brother or a sister....does it have to be yours before you will feel? Before you will move? Before you will change?

I don't understand the dehumanization of the LGBTQ+ community....It seems that to those who have decided that we are wrong, for whatever reason, are hell bent on being right...despite the cost. 

Until that bill finds its way to their front door...

I don't understand why we, as humans, can take life....any life...for granted. It seems that somehow, children, teens, and even adults have become "synonymous with the lesser." 

When will this change?

Change....that's the problem! No ONE wants to change....because they believe they are right? or simply because change is new, it's different, it's.....change.

I leave you with one question, "What is your child's, friend's, brother's, or sister's life worth to you?" 

Would you be willing to suffer the discomforts of change to save their lives? Would you be willing to succumb to the terrible inconvenience of a background check to buy a gun? Would you be willing to open your eyes and see the worth of ALL of humanity? Would you be willing to STOP spreading hate and homophobia?

What if this were your child, brother, sister or friend....what if?

Pastor Brandiilyne Mangum-Dear  

A Word Game

I love words...I love to define them... I love to study them...I love to use them. I do, however, have a confession (gulp) I'm terrible at spelling them! I BLAME spellcheck! There I said it. Now with that out of the way let's get back to the matter at hand, words. Words are one of the most powerful forces that we, as humans, have in our possession. We have a vast arsenal of dialect (some more than others) just on the tips of our tongues...

AND just at the tips of our fingers we have our very own legion on standby just waiting to fire at the masses upon our orders...Social media! "I Got The POWER!" (pardon the SNAPback)...
 Think about it...seriously...There's Twitter, FaceBook, Instagram, Google+, tumblr...the list goes on and on. These sites are available 24/7 and ready for all special moments, celebrations, random insignificant selfies, and emotionally driven rants....Words. words....WOrDs!!


As of late, there have been tons of debate on these social media forums....Gay rights, Gun control, Ducks vs. humanity...blah blah blah. These are what I like to call "word games" or, in some cases,"war of words" There are vast differences between the two, though ... "word games" can be fun and even humorous, especially when your opponent is...how do you say??... word incompetent...no, no....maybe word challenged??....or maybe a tad word ignorant??...yeah I think that's the one. ;) Yes these games with words can be quite entertaining. They can also be very challenging on those days when your opponent is well versed and obviously reads a dictionary for leisure. (wipes brow) these are the word games I enjoy most...(thank God for Google;) but let's talk about the latter for a moment... "war of words"

War, by definition, means to be in a state of hostility and conflict...and unfortunately war is also synonymous with bloodshed. In a single moment a single rant that is riddled with hurtful or, essentially, deadly words can reach a damaged soul and push them right over the edge. With just the click of the mouse an emotional rant can reach millions.Words...the most powerful resource, or weapon, that we have. A single sentence can cause irreparable harm, even death. Dramatic? No have you read about the effects of cyber bullying? A cyber bully isn't the 6ft 5th grader who towers over everyone in his class anymore...no a cyber bully is an insecure, unfeeling, sociopath who has loaded his/her ignorance with words and fires his/her hate aimlessly into the boundless classroom of the internet via social media. Or your average social media butterfly who has jumped on the FB or Twitter bandwagon and fires at the crowds....while justifying every single word (bullet)

Gun control? Maybe we should discuss tongue control.... Words, how do you use them? Are your words bringing laughter or encouragement?  Are your words sparking great debates and intellectual conversation? OR are your words condemning or hateful?

I know that everyone has their own opinion and has every right, under the constitution, to express that opinion....but just because you have the right to do something doesn't necessarily mean that you should. I am as guilty as the next person of expressing my opinion...sometimes it was expertly written and articulated and, well let's be honest, other times it was emotional and harmful and for that (clears throat) I apologize.

I guess, as I strategically string my words together, I am trying to paint a picture of understanding and compassion. Hopefully the words that I use today will encourage others to 'think' about the words they choose tomorrow and take into consideration those that will read them and what effect they might have on a soul or a community of souls.

I hope to engage in many more word games with well verse intellectuals and...well, not so intellectuals...but I hope that the "war of words" are becoming a thing of the past... My History professor once said, "The greatest ideas are birthed in heated debate." and I totally concur.... Carefully chosen words can resolve great mysteries or open a closed mind, but words fueled by emotion can create a bloody battleground riddled with destruction. Words are nothing to play around with....choose them and use them wisely.


Just Bb

Bad Farming....

Just 2 short years ago I was watching a dream be fulfilled...The vision that I had been working so diligently toward was unfolding before my eyes. I was watching the Z.A.C Center open it's doors and fill up with women who struggled with addiction. I had worked tirelessly and passionately toward this goal...and to watch it actually happen was amazing. WHEW, finally.

Although this dream had become a reality...and everything that I had hoped for had come true....I was exhausted, totally drained, and completely overworked. I was beginning to see things differently, my illusions of what Christianity was supposed to be and the reality of what it really was had finally crashed into one another..... I was done.... I left shortly after

Last week I was sitting in class when my professor made a remark that sparked an interesting thought. He was talking about the Civil War when he referenced the "overworked soil" of the South. Those two words rolled around in my mind for days... "overworked soil" I, of course, went to the parable of the sower and began to think about what it means to be a responsible and productive "sower" and I believe that I had a revelation.

Since leaving the church I have stood on the outside watching....observing...and, unfortunately, becoming more and more cynical about christianity as a whole. When I was pastoring, I was passionate about "reaching" people and "winning" them to the Lord...hallelujah!! I was always trying to find the perfect evangelical strategy to accomplish this world changing revival that my Pastor always foresaw on the horizon...So in this quest for souls I tried everything you could imagine, for instance:
1) Holy FB posts
2) Christian apparel
3) And even standing on a flatbed in the middle of the City to preach.
 In my religious arrogance I believed, wholeheartedly, that I was being a "light" in a dark sin-ridden world.---That was my perception....from the inside.

Now, let's talk about reality....the view from the outside.

There's a much clearer view when you look at things from every angle, it's more accurate and true to life. Now that I have stepped out of the church this is what I see:
1) "holier that Thou" FB statuses.... PLEASE stop telling me how great you are, how wonderful you "minister", and what a great "christian" you are! I think this is the most repulsive and unattractive strategy that one can use to try and "win" anyone.
2) Your Christian apparel makes you unapproachable.
3) Stop preaching at me...start loving me---then maybe I will actually see Christ in you and want to meet Him.

As I stand in the world today I want to shout, "I'm so sorry for the way that I behaved...Christ would never do that!" "Forgive me for my piousness and zealous behavior...Christ is NOTHING like that!" "I am still a Christian...but I'm NOT anything like this 'modern day christianity' that you have been experiencing" ---I apologize

I believe that the commercialization of christianity has caused "soil exhaustion"---in other words--bad farming. The church has been trying to force the ground (world) to receive the seed (Word) and now it's nearly ruined... I have a bit of news for you...If you don't start replenishing the land (the people standing on the outside), replacing vital nutrients (love, kindness, acceptance etc.) the future of the Church as we know it may not survive another generation....

Don't tell me that you're a christian, because I, along with much of the world, have become somewhat cynical and untrusting....show me who you are and Who you represent.

It is true---I am a hardened cynic when it comes to christianity.... but my belief in Christ hasn't changed. I used to be proud to proclaim my christianity, but now I feel as if I cannot say those words out-loud. So now I will simply make it my life's work to replenish the soil.

It's time to get back to the basics.... CHRISTIANITY 101....Love...it's simple really........................................            JUST

STOP force feeding faith
http://brandiilyne.blogspot.com/2012/08/tossing-seed-onto-stones.html

“Y’all Come Back Now, Ya Hear?”

            Just south of the Mason-Dixon line there is a place cemented in time; welcome to Mississippi. This is where folks wave as they pass by on the road, laws protect the majestic magnolia trees, and sweet tea is the house wine.  Pull up a chair and enjoy its allure with a dollop of mashed potatoes, black-eyed peas, and greens, fresh from the garden. Here in this neck of the woods, everything, including the vocabulary, moves a little slower. Down here people take pride in their heritage, which includes, but is not limited to, their “young’uns,” their pick-up trucks, and their biscuits. Although living in the Deep South has its charms, it can have some negative effects as well, effects such as health problems, bad grammar, and close mindedness.

            Cook it and they will come is the idea that has become the backdrop of every occasion here in the South. Men gather in the back yard to smoke and grill the wild game, which they themselves hunted and killed, while the women gather in the kitchen and gossip over a deep fryer; if it can be battered, it can be fried. Plates are piled high with Southern cuisine and passed down the table to every generation. As each Momma places a plate in front of her own child, she almost melodically tells them about the starving children in China, as she guilts them into cleaning their plate. The end result, unfortunately, is the highest obesity rate in the country, with heart disease and strokes being commonplace, as well.

            

One other commonplace occurrence is to hear words that are, almost exclusively, Southern. In these parts, grammar goes out the window and words seem to lump together to form specially sculpted isms, such as, “fixin-to,” “whalla-go,” and “ova-yonder.” Unfortunately, Hollywood has marketed the music that is the Southern vernacular negatively. Each time a village idiot, psychotic hillbilly, or just down right dumb character finds their way to the screen, they invariably have a Southern drawl. Which has, in turn, created a stereotype that is difficult for Southerners to overcome.    

 Words are not the only thing created here in the South, but traditions are as well. These traditions are woven into the tapestry of Southern living. Traditions such as going to church before the sun rises on Easter morning, a gentleman asking Daddy for his daughter’s hand in marriage, and saying ma’am and sir while addressing elders are partly responsible for the South’s reputation of hospitality. These customs have raised many Southern gents and belles, and there are other traditions, more unpleasant traditions, which still linger in the guise of heritage. As pride goes, some people in the South are very proud of that heritage known as the “Old South.” Unfortunately, an icon of this heritage, the Confederate flag, still flies over the Capital as the cornerstone of the State flag. It also adorns the bumper of the occasional pick-up truck, which showcases the South’s state of close-mindedness to the world. This mindset still haunts the Deep South like a ghost from the past. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that the thirteenth amendment was ratified, and slavery was finally completely abolished here in Mississippi.

            Although the South is known as a place to deep fry everything but their first born, creatively annihilate the English language, and burn a cross on a hot summer night, it is, after all, a beautiful place where the magnolias grow tall, hospitality is abundant, and family is second only to God. As with any place, there are positive and negative effects of living in Mississippi, but as things go here in the South, slowly and surely as the biscuits are rising in the oven on Sunday morning, the positive is overcoming the negative. As goes the Southern mantra, “the South shall rise again,” only this time she’s going to rise healthy, educated, and enlightened, because times, well, “they are a changing.” “Y’all come back now, ya hear?”

Just Bb.....

Balancing the Scales of Equality

Balancing the Scales of Equality

            While developing the Constitution of the United States, the document that is the cornerstone of American life, the Founding Fathers proved themselves to be true visionaries.  This document, through the hundreds of years since its origination, has been used to develop, or re-define, the laws that govern this great land.  There have also been instances where this document has been used to force change, and these changes have made limitless impacts upon the landscape of modern America.  This change has not been accomplished, however, without struggle, and it is within these struggles that the formation of policies to ensure equal rights for all Americans has occurred.  With each battle for equal rights there is another looming on the horizon, and the most recent campaign is the fight for marriage equality.  Some are calling this the “new civil rights movement.” The right to marry the person that one loves is the right of every citizen.  Most dissenters disagree based on religious views, for others it is about tradition, but marriage to the person of one’s choice is protected by this time-honored document that has the temerity to propose that all Americans are ensured the right of the "pursuit of happiness."

            Religion dates back to the beginning of time, as does marriage. Many people argue that gay marriage goes against the “biblical definition” of marriage, but this argument defeats itself because most marriages in biblical times consisted of numerous wives and concubines. Concubines were basically sex slaves. This behavior, in present times, is illegal and grounds for divorce. Other religious zealots declare that homosexuality is an abomination. Upon deeper study of the scriptures, it is quickly found that if one eats pork, shellfish, or wears cotton blend clothes then they too are an abomination. These biblical facts are easily overlooked due to the fact that most Americans have consumed shrimp or bacon while wearing an abominable t-shirt.

             Traditionally, marriage has been between a man and a woman, but marriage is about love, not gender. It is this love that is the foundation of marriage.  Two people who genuinely love one another should have the opportunity to solidify that love with a legal commitment. Anyone who has ever truly loved someone knows that love is blind. Love sees no flaw, hears no wrong, and knows no gender. Love has the ability to not only cross the lines of tradition, but to create new traditions as well. Love is the greatest tradition of all.

            Marriage is not a privilege; it is a legal right. According to the Constitution, “all men are created equal, and they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, and among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” The argument of marriage equality should end right there, but it does not. Somehow people think that if a person is gay then they no longer fall into the “all men are created equal” category, and they no longer have the right to the “pursuit of happiness.” These unalienable rights, which literally means not separated or taken away, are not applicable to gay couples. This is an oxymoron. It is unconstitutional to deny anyone, gay or straight, the right to marry the person whom they choose.

            Marriage is a beautiful thing regardless of the genders represented. It showcases two people who are in love joining their lives together. Not only is marriage beautifully symbolic, but it also binds two people together legally. It is the legal contract, not the religious ritual that makes it possible for someone to be entitled to his or her spouse’s Social Security benefits along with other legal rights. It is not about gay marriage or straight. It is simply about equality. Although some States have legalized gay marriage, it is still not recognized federally. This tips the scales of equality, and leaves gay couples “equal but separate.” It is time for a change. It is time to balance the scales of equality, and go back to the traditions of this Country’s foundation, and live according to the Constitution. 

Just Bb

Living/dying....what are you doing?

Life... is a gift.
Life...is a story
Life...like everything else has a beginning and an end.

Today, I sat in a service and I listened to a minister speak on life...and death. She spoke on the importance of living in such a way that dying would be easy. I sat there and I listened intently, as she talked about "unpacking" for our final act of living...How we must constantly empty the preverbal "baggage' of our lives so that we can live a life that death will not cut short... A life that will be so fully "lived" that death will be a time to celebrate, not mourn... Life is a delicate balancing act...letting go of what is hurtful, and holding onto what is fortifying and fulfilling.

How do we accomplish this...this perfect balance? This place of peace?....this place of forgiveness? Forgiving not only others, but ourselves?

 I suppose we must figure out (within ourselves) what exactly is important.

What is it that I will allow in my space...my mind... OR...my heart....AND of what will I simply LET GO? I think, today, that I had a revelation! If it is not fulfilling, or endearing, or just plain joyful then it just doesn't deserve my time, my thoughts, or my emotions.

If it isn't something that I would want in my heart, my mind, or my space then I should NEVER present it to someone else's heart, mind or space.

Life is simple....Live like you're dying...treat others as if they were and LOVE like there's no tomorrow...for either of you.

Why do we complicate things with senseless, worthless, futile, insignificant misery??? When LOVE, friendship, joy, happiness, peace, and ALL the wonderful things that this life has to offer are available...if only we will choose them?

Just Bb

"I am not living/dying so that my life pleases you or yours....I must live/die a life that lives up to my own expectations and dreams....."

POOF....You're NOT fooling me

I am fascinated by magicians; they have an amazing ability to trick your mind into seeing one thing while they do another. This is called... cognitive illusion. These illusions work because they separate perception from reality. Magicians have learned how to manipulate the mind through, what is called, diversion. They divert your attention, so that all your energy is focused away from what they are doing. Basically, you are perceiving one thing, while in reality, they are doing another. For instance, they point out the beautiful woman, while they are preparing their deception right before your eyes. Abracadabra!!!

Diversion...it means to divert something, to deviate..to draw attention elsewhere. Diversion is what makes magic work.  LOOK over there so that you can't see what I'm doing...It's a manipulation of your mind, used to, ultimately, deceive or trick you!

 Throughout my life, I have learned to listen intently to people; to what they say, and don't say. Sometimes people say so much more about themselves than they even realize. I have always said that people tell on themselves if you will only listen, and diversion is an example of that. I have discovered that when someone displays my faults, or the faults of others they are simply "diverting" attention.  Magicians have mastered this art and they use it to entertain people.  Thieves use it to pick your pocket. But your average Joes...well your average Joes use the same technique to remove the spotlight from themselves! (Presto, Chango....)

Diversion is also used as damage control....Make them look bad before the truth about me can come out. Abracadabra!!!

Separation of perception and reality! 

Master manipulation! 

The truth is that we have all pulled this trick from our hats at one point or another, kind of like Grandpa,  who used to walk around pulling quarters from behind your ears...BUT others are like David Copperfield.... "Illusionist Extraordinair!"  

Always remember that the ones who put others' faults on display are probably diverting your attention from their own wrongdoings.  See beyond the deceptions find see the truth...it's right before your eyes 

YOU'RE NOT FOOLIN' ME

Just Bb

Sandy Hook Hoax....seriously

I am utterly appalled by the very idea that someone would even suggest that the Sandy Hook  tragedy is a conspiracy! I cannot believe that people would stoop so low as to accuse these families, the one's whose children have been slaughtered, of acting. I cannot imagine how they must feel as their fellow American's are discounting what happened by creating a conspiracy theory.... HOW SELFISH!

I think it's pretty twisted that someone would concoct such a preposterous story, just so they could accuse our President and try to protect their right to carry an assault rifle....the very weapon that, IN REALITY, cut these children in half. I see all these people posting videos and articles about the "Sandy Hook Hoax" and I can't help but wonder how they would feel if it were their child that had just been gunned down, and the country that they love and call home, is accusing them of lying!

I am losing faith in my fellow Americans...I remember when going to the county fair and hopping on the ferris wheel was enough, but these days EVERYONE wants the thrill of hopping on these ludicrous bandwagons! Come on guys....USE your head...THINK this through!!! If the government wanted to take away our guns THEY WOULD!! They don't need to create some tragedy to do that, and IF they did....you common Joe's would NEVER figure it out!

Our President CLEARLY stated, in his press release, that our right to bear arms WOULD BE PROTECTED! This is simply about military style weapons that OBVIOUSLY need to be regulated...that is all. THE CAR you drive, my friend, is regulated....you cannot legally put a HIGH POWERED vehicle on the street...can you? Do you know why? BECAUSE THEY'RE DANGEROUS....

--Side note: About those pictures with one of the children and our president....uhmmm this is the computer age, and there is this thing called  "photoshop"

Just Bb

Temporary Angels--Pseudo Heroes

Throughout my life I have experienced many up and downs. Some of these shaky occasions occurred  in my own life but many in the lives of others. Being a minister for nearly a decade I have walked through some very rough times with a lot of people.  I have witnessed many acts of heroism and charity but I also watched others who would capitalize on the tragedies of others, I tagged these people "temporary angels."They live for those "ups" or those "downs", especially the downs, in the lives of others. They feast on people's misery, consuming it as if it were their own. 

These people rush into the situation (da-da-da-da super hero music) and appear to be a knight in shining armor...they are right by your side, doting over you, the victim of life's tragic realities.  They pretend that they are grieving, and more often than not, they barely know you, if at all. They put on a big show in front of others pirating attention, hoping that they can gain the same sympathies given to you. 

These pseudo heroes also feed off of knowing the details of your tragedy. They seem to pamper and pet you, but the truth is that they are gathering information. They love to go and brag about everything they know and all they've done for you, and the more intimate the detail the more it is coveted by these busybodies....AKA "gossips, blatherers, babblers and back-biters"

I suppose that their life is so void of...well.. LIFE... that they feel the need to feel important. They don't care that they gain "relevance" at the expense of your life's dilemma. No matter the reason, these people can and will cause you harm, if they get the chance, so just beware of these shallow clandestines. They can be very helpful, but if they get what they're looking for, fame--attention--THE SPOTLIGHT, it can prove to be very hurtful to you. 

These "temporary angels" light on you as soon as tragedy strikes in your life... they make a grand entrance displaying their wings and good deeds, but as soon as there is no more glamor to be had they depart as quickly as they came.  You know who the authentic angels are in your life, those are the ones that have always been there for you and will stay even when your life has plateaued. So cherish those and just allow the temps to come in and serve you during your time of need....just remember NOT to "let them in" 

Just Bb

Who The Hell are "THEY" Anyway!

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am constantly amazed and appalled by people who are continuously trying to change others. "THEY" have developed a mold that "THEY" consider to be respectable and acceptable. "THEY" are always giving others advise from their book of wisdom, quoting verses that always start with, "THEY say"....You know what I'm talking about... "THEY" walk up to you and say, with a concerned look, "You probably shouldn't do that...you KNOW what 'THEY' say" [insert pseudo wisdom...pulled straight from their....uh gluteus maximus] .  I just have one question...Who the hell are "THEY" anyway? AND why do "THEY" keep telling me to live my life according to "THEIR" standards BLAH!

Who made "THEY" the all knowing...I thought only Google knew everything!

PLEASE people!! LIVE and let LIVE...it's simple really! Show some tolerance for those that aren't as "perfect" as you!

I am a firm believer that we should live our lives as we see fit, according to our own convictions and credence and we should in turn give every other human the same liberties. The truth is, we have no place in the middle of someone else's life...unless of course they invite us in and ask for our advice, which they may or may not heed.

I am really sick of a society that is constantly trying to FORCE everyone to live by "THEIR" standards and beliefs. "THEY" are the one's that bully others with "THEIR" opinions, "THEIR" beliefs, or "THEIR" perceptions.

When I think of these people I get a visual of a steelworker...a strong man tirelessly beating a piece of metal that he has placed in a fire so hot that it has caused the metal to be manipulated and molded by force. This metal worker will pound and grind until the steel succumbs and becomes exactly what he wants it to be....he's relentless....This is who "THEY" are... The brow beaters, the back breakers, the holier than "THOUs"

I'm simply saying that if "THEY"were omniscient (that's all knowing to "THOSE" that didn't know) "THEY" would know to mind "THEIR" own business and stop pandering to the masses through social media; dropping pearls of wisdom and issuing unsolicited sage advise....

In LAYMAN'S terms ......Please keep your "THEY's" to yourself

Thank you...
Sincerely
Bb

My son, daughter, sister, brother, friend...is gay

Accepting my sexuality and coming out has been the most liberating experience of my life while simultaneously proving to be the most devastating. I will never forget the fears that were choking the life out of me as I began to contemplate opening the door to the closet that I had been hidden in for so long. I first had to break free from the chains of religion and this, next to my decision to accept Jesus Christ, was the most emancipating move I could ever make. It was exhilarating to have finally met someone for whom I was willing to step out of this vault that had become the tomb in which I had buried my identity.

I considered telling those closest to me, I was convinced that they would, after the initial shock, accept me and maybe even be happy for me, but this was not the case. When I walked out of the closet they walked out of my life....I don't understand this, I'm not a different person, the only difference is that they know me better.

I have heard many people say, "Brandiilyne is not who she used to be...she has changed." But the truth is...I DIDN'T change...your opinion of me did. I imagine I was like a beautiful diamond that seemed flawless while on display, but when examined more closely, it was discovered that it had flaws and was devalued. Every diamond is flawed, but what you perceive as a flaw, is what makes me shine...it's what makes me...me! This "flaw" is the place, aside from God, where I find happiness and love. 

Your love for me obviously had limitations, and that has been the most devastating part of this. I have mourned the people that I love more than anyone can ever fathom all the while celebrating life; it has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. 

Although I lost many people, there were many who stayed and celebrated with me. People who love the one that I love--This has been a difficult, a monumental learning experience that has become the pivotal point in my life. Despite the pain I don't regret a moment of it.... I do mourn those I have lost, I love each of them just as much as I always have. I wish they would be a part of my life, but I accept the fact that they chose not to be...it doesn't change my love for them. I can only hope that they find the love, the peace, and the freedom that I have found.  

I am writing this blog because it is important to me to try and help someone, who's loved one has "come out", to know that they haven't changed....they have just chosen you to share their hearts treasure with, a treasure that has been buried and hidden from everyone else. They are finally free from a dark, confining place that has held them captive their entire lives and the fear of opening the door and walking out has been crippling. PLEASE don't validate their fears...but celebrate their courage.

PLEASE remember this..."Acceptance is not approval" You don't have to approve of their life to accept them for who they are. So keep in mind, Mom, Dad, brother, sister, friend... they need you now more than they ever have in their lives-- 

To the one struggling to gather the courage to step out...It is true, when I  came out I lost a lot but what I've gained makes it all worth while. I am so grateful for those who have stood by and for those whom I have gained. I have decided that if the people who love me want to be a part of my life, it is MY LIFE that they shall be a part of...nothing more, nothing less. 

Just Bb 

The Preacher or the Whore?

So Jesus had been invited to a dinner party at the home of the respected religious leader Simon, the Pharisee. This was not as odd as you may think, after all these men did have a lot in common. We, as Christians, know just how different these two men actually were, but we never look at the things they had in common. They were both devout Jews who followed the teachings of the Torah. They were both respected men of God, and they were both teachers. They were, what we would call here in the South, "preachers." 

I, being a preacher myself,  have sat at many tables with countless preachers and I'm sure these two were talking about the things they did have in common...Scripture, sermons, and exchanging "preacher" stories and experiences. Simon was, like most preachers, curious and probably a little suspicious of Jesus' knowledge of the Scriptures.  I would imagine, as did most of the Pharisees, that he was trying to trap Jesus and catch Him saying or doing something wrong, in an attempt to discredit Him.  

As they sat having what I'm sure was a deep conversation, in walks this woman and not just any woman, but a sinful woman. This was an audacious move, to say the least. This woman was risking her very life as she walked boldly into Simon's home. As she crossed the room she was weeping uncontrollably, Im sure some of those tears were a result of Jesus' presence but, being a sinner myself, I believe that some were from the overwhelming fear and questions that were raging through her. Fear that maybe Jesus isn't who she thought, or maybe He's really just like the rest of the "preachers" who made it a point to separate themselves from people like her. I'm sure that voice in her head was saying, "What if He rejects you too?" and "What if He too thinks that you're nothing more than an abomination?" and "Will He rebuke me...reject me...condemn me?" 

 I can only imagine the fears that this woman was experiencing! But she had heard that Jesus was different from all the other preachers, she had heard about His grace and mercy, and she was willing to take a chance that these rumors were true and for the first time in her life she had a ray of hope...hope that she would be accepted and embraced. Maybe Jesus would see her as a person and not a whore, and love her unconditionally. So despite all her fears, and how the rest of the preachers had condemned her, she pressed through!

This woman had an alabaster jar in her hands, this jar held her life's treasure and through the tears that blinded her, the fears that engulfed her, and the questions that taunted her she proceeded to Jesus. The moment she reached Him she fell on her knees and began washing His feet with her tears. She broke the valuable jar and lavished His feet with this expensive perfume that it held. 

Simon is watching what he considers a vulgar scene as this whore dries Jesus' feet with her hair...In his mind he's thinking that Jesus can't be a prophet, if He were He would know that this woman was sinful. [It's funny to me that Simon, not only thought that Jesus was an impostor  but he obviously thought that He was stupid as well, because you didn't have to be a prophet to know that this woman was a whore!]

Then Jesus, knowing what Simon was thinking, told a parable: 

 “Simon,” he said to the Pharisee, “I have something to say to you.” “Go ahead, Teacher,” Simon replied. Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?” Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.”  

“That’s right,” Jesus said. Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume. "I tell you, her sins—and they are many— have been            forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.” Luke 7:41-50 NIV

So who sinned more.... The Preacher or the Whore?

Judging from the blatant display of love from the whore and the obvious disregard from the preacher, and according to this parable, the whore was forgiven more.  But in reality the only difference between the preacher and the whore, was not the amount of sin...it was not even the type of sin...(SIN is SIN) The difference was humility and honesty, the whore knew who she was and acknowledged her sin, the preacher however thought he was righteous and sin free....

As Christians how many times have we passed judgment and separated ourselves from people who we considered sinners? Are you guilty of this?? (shamefully lifts hand) As I read this story, I recognized the times that I acted as the Pharisee...I can clearly see the times that, due to religion, I caused more harm than good because I, like Simon, had exalted myself and become SELF-righteous.... for this I sincerely apologize 

After experiencing this same rejection and condemnation suddenly I have found myself in the shoes of the whore and I'm humbled...I know that I too am a sinner and the only thing good in me is Jesus!! 

 As you read this I ask you to step into the shoes of the whore... I hope that you see that sometimes you might find a preacher or two that reject you because you're a "sinner", BUT remember....Jesus never rejected anyone and He never separated Himself from anyone and He will never reject your or separate Himself from you! 

PLEASE don't judge or weigh the love of Christ based on the actions of a human... there is NO comparison, because we are just that...HUMAN and just because we are "preachers" or Christians doesn't mean that we don't fall WAY short of Christlikeness.  Jesus' love, His grace, and His mercy are bigger than we can even begin to imagine! PRESS through and walk past the Pharisees He's waiting for you! 

Just Bb

Pastor? or Gay? A Real Life Identity Crisis

Am I a Pastor? OR am I gay?

Am I an anointed woman of God or an abomination?

This is the question that tormented me as I began to honestly evaluate my heart earlier this year. I have been in ministry for years and just to catch you up on my story, I had been a drug addict for 17 years prior.... I began using drugs at the ripe ole age of 11, and on Sept. 26th 2003 I met God and instantaneously I was delivered from that seemingly lifelong addiction. Almost immediately, I felt the call of God on my life and 2 short years later I founded a very successful ministry for addicts. It was an extraordinary story about a 28 year old junkie that, by the grace and power of God went from the pit to the pulpit.  This was my identity, I was Pastor Brandiilyne founder of Dying To Live Ministries.

A couple of years into my ministry I lost someone who was just getting their life on track and I realized that I had to do more so I began to tirelessly raise funds to build the Z.A.C (Zeal And Compassion) Recovery Center for Women, and the month before it was to open I walked into a local gym to ask for a donation. I knew that when these ladies got clean and healthy that they would probably put on some weight and I also knew what exercise does for the body and brain, so I thought I would take a shot and ask for free memberships for the clients of the ZAC Center. That is the day that I met Susan....

As time passed I began to spend more time at the gym with the "ZAC girls" and in turn spending time with Susan. She and her partner were going through a devastating break up and I could see the agony and depression that was overtaking her. As a minister I immediately began to try and help her, so we spent a lot of time talking, she did most of the talking, I mostly listened. Susan began to come out of her depression and I could see that she was beginning to heal.

We became great friends, and had some great conversations and before I knew it I started developing strong feelings for her....  Oh WAIT a minute!!!! This CANNOT happen---WHAT is going on?!!! I began to wrestle with these feelings and emotions and with MYSELF!!! So I gathered myself in the midst of this turmoil so that I could clearly and honestly evaluate my heart...I am having a real life identity crisis and I need to know if this is just a phase or if I have something deeper....Little did I know that I was about to embark on one of the most important journeys of my life...self-discovery

As I trekked back and looked on ALL my past relationships, I began to realize just how uncomfortable I was with ALL the men in my life....I NEVER connected with a single one of them...I was an addict, I was depressed, and I hated ANY physical contact with men...I just did what I thought I had to do. So this brought me back even further...when did I start using anyway?... and this triggered a memory that I had hidden, tucked far far away--My best friend (a girl) and I made out when I was 11, and we got caught!! I remembered the shame that I was made to feel and it was almost immediately after that when I started using....Oh geez  AND I have ALWAYS been attracted to women, but only a certain type of woman, and they were ALWAYS attracted to me....I had convinced myself that everyone admired people of the same sex....they just wouldn't admit it!

It was as if everything began to unfold and I started to see a clear picture of what's really going on... I'm finally finding out who I really am? So I took an honest look at my marriage. The marriage that was practically NON existant, we haven't had any physical contact in years and I realized that this was my first attempt at a "sober" relationship and it, like ALL the rest had failed miserably....every time we would attempt to get close it was SO awkward and unnatural that neither of us felt comfortable, so we just stopped trying! I just threw myself into work and stayed busy with my ministry...avoiding the marriage all way around!

NOTHING, as far as relationships go, in my life have been right thus far!!! But when I'm with her, everything seems perfect! For the first time in my life I am truly comfortable with someone...and all we have done is talk! She has NO idea how I feel, as far as she's concerned I'm the straight married pastor! OH MY!!! How on earth am I going to tell her...can I tell her...or do I remain where I am...lying to myself...and everyone around me about who I am....I haven't been happy like this EVER and she is the source of that happiness!! I've got to tell her--


I was falling in love...with a woman?!  Oh, This can't happen, I'm not only married but I'm a Pastor! Needless to say my whole world seemed to be crumbling around me, my whole belief system was shaking--

No one could ever know, not her, not him, not anyone....so alone I was wrestling with myself. BACK and FORTH and over and over again I questioned everything...Who AM I anyway? Everything I had been taught was echoing in my head...but why is this so right, if it's so wrong? Why is it so wrong, if it's so right?

Despite the obvious difficulties and obstacles..not to mention the scandal that is quickly developing in this situation, I feel as if I have broken free from something! I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders...a weight, I was so accustomed to that I didn't even realize I was carrying, was removed and for the first time I didn't care what everyone would think or how they would react!

NOW...to tell Susan (gulp)

All this stress had begun to take its toll on me and one day I almost passed out at the gym, Susan put me in her car and drove me home....but no one was there so she took me to her house. I HAD to tell her this was killing me! So finally I just came out and said, "I love you! I know it's crazy but I'm just crazy about you!!" Her response was NOT at all what I expected....she quickly sat up and said, "HELL NO!!" "I cannot let you ruin your life....you have this great thing going on and I will not let you do this!" Imagine my surprise...But we left it at that and decided to just remain friends, but that of course was not possible...I could no longer live a lie so I decided despite everything that I had to be myself!

When I came out everyone freaked out! They said that I was back on drugs....they said that this is just a midlife crisis (I'm 37 geez) they said I was having a mental breakdown, they said that it was a "phase"...OH and my favorite...it's a demon

But they don't know about my life's struggles, and I know that they will never understand but I am who I am....I guess I always knew deep down, but denial had become my partner and we danced together most of my life. But when I met Susan I found my real life partner and for the first time everything is right!

The moment that I got honest with myself is the moment that I found myself....and the moment that I accepted it was the moment my life lined up and began to make sense! WOW....what a discovery ;) It was a freedom that I can't even explain!

Now what about my faith? Can I be a Pastor and be gay??? Absolutely I can and I am--
For God's gifts and calling never change.--Rom 11:29 (just an interesting irony my birthday is 11-29) 

Just Bb 

Back of the Bus...Please

Growing up in South Mississippi I have witnessed and, if I'm completely honest, been a part of many acts of racism. I grew up listening to most of the adults around me spit out racial slurs while they exalted themselves and their race as supreme. I remember thinking at a very young age how ridiculous and inhumane this really was, but at the same time I was conforming to the mindset. When I was very young I would look at black children, and because of what I had heard my entire short life, I would think they were bad so I was somewhat afraid to get close to them...then one day when I was about 12 I actually met several people who laid all those fears and biases to rest. I began to see people's hearts and not their skin color.

I remember studying the Civil rights movement and hearing about the cruelty of discrimination and segregation ... It did something to me when I thought about another human being who was forced to sit in the back of the bus, or drink from a separate water fountain...I grew to hate racism. I could only sympathize with them because being a young white girl I had never, nor did I ever expect to experience such discrimination. UNTIL....

... I got saved at a church where all races were welcome, it was part of their "vision", having a church in South MS that wasn't segregated. This church was very diverse and it was great to see people of all races come together in harmony...NO "sitting in the back of the bus" there.  The motto was "Reaching for those that nobody wants; God turns them into people that everybody wants" It was refreshing. UNTIL....

 I came out...and SUDDENLY (dramatic music)  I could no longer have the "Living Water" but I was quarantined...isolated...rejected! I found myself being forced to drink from a separate water fountain....I was now an abomination, detested by those who had somehow become superior to me. My "robe" had been reduced to filthy rags while theirs remained stainless and white! I was reduced to an imbecile who no longer deserved or even had any right to Jesus Christ...much less come into His church.

My sympathy for those who had suffered from intolerance and prejudice was quickly turning into empathy, suddenly I could somewhat relate to how it must have felt to be turned away... to be hated because of something that you cannot change... to be judged and condemned because you were different. I found myself ducking and almost cowering down because of the shame they heaped on me. They quickly segregated me, warning others to stay away or catch the gay....This started to get to me...maybe I was inferior...maybe God rejects me too...maybe the Living Water is off limits to my kind... It was then that I refused to allow my life to be reduced to sipping Evian!

I AM a Christian and I will not allow some "holier than Thou" christian chauvinist to force me to the back of the bus! I WILL NOT drink from a separate water fountain!!! Because NOTHING neither life nor death, nor angels nor demons (nor religious supremacists) can separate me from Christ!

Day after day I talk with young people who are tormented by these sectarians and their bigotry that condemns them to a life VOID of Christ, and doomed for hell! If I hear another fanatic shout REPENT at me, or anyone else for that matter, one more time so help me they themselves will be repenting as they TURN and run because I might just lose ALL my religion (pun intended)... Jesus Christ called us to love NOT condemn.... NO one has the right to try and take my Savior away from me, because if I recall correctly that "Living Water" lives inside of me and I shall NEVER thirst again because He will NEVER leave NOR forsake me-- How about you shout I LOVE you and so does Jesus, wait better yet  embrace people don't say I LOVE you show them.

Just Bb